1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option..
2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
4. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
5. That's enough, Nickelback.
6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
11. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
12. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
13. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
14. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
15. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
16. Was learning cursive really necessary?
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a d!ck from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
20. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
21. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
22. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
23. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
24. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
25. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
26. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
27. Bad decisions make good stories
28. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
29. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
30. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
31. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
32. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
33. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
34. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
35. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
36. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
37. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
38. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
39. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
40. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
41. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
42. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
43. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
44. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
45. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
46. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
47. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
48. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
49. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
50. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
So which ones were your fave??? Even though its really hard to pick.....I think that #5 is the funniest and #11 is the MOST true :)
1. white piece of paper containing recipe for tonights dinner 
1. National Lampoon's Vacation
4. Planes Trains & Automobiles
6. Sixteen Candles
7. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.....seriously this is probably one of the funniest movies ever made!!
As of lately our lil darlin has become a GROUCH in the morning. I dont know what it is?!?!? I cant quite put my finger on it but trust me it doesnt make for a great experience M-F. From what I can tell she just wants to be fed, held and/or played with!!! But obviously that is hard to do when I am trying to get ready for work. I hope this is a phase that she will soon outgrow!
my daughter pooped in the floor. Of course I freaked out cause she had never done that before!!! My mom and I were laughing so hard that I thought I was gonna have an accident on the floor myself. Well we got the mess cleaned up only to find out that some of the poop got on one of Atlees toys. She started crying telling my mom "Nana, Day Day poo poo choo choo" We finally figured out that she was trying to tell us Daley pooped on her choo choo train. I finally told my mom "Thats it....these kids are takin a bath and going to bed. I need a drink." So after bath time mom, kelli & I sat on the back porch and had a few red draws. The weather was nice and cool and aside from Erics snake report we had a really relaxing time. On Saturday we took the girls to lunch& we did a little bit of shopping. It was a fun overnight trip and we are looking forward to seeing them again this weekend.
